Save (NOT Shave) the Chests!

Watching the LOST finale recently, it occurred to me that an important character from the first season of the show was conspicuous by his absence. Not Michael. Nope, not Walt. Not Artz or that guy who got sucked into the engine.

No, missing was Jack's hairy chest. It was featured prominently in the first season, beginning with the pilot. More recent episodes, particularly the flash-sideways, revealed the bald truth: Matthew Fox started shaving his chest. The hairy chest was dead. So why wasn't it in the church?

I get it. As performers age and their chest hair turns gray, they shave to hold onto that last shred of their youth. I'm looking at you, Tim McGraw. And you, Jeremy Piven -- I know all about your waxing as well.

Ron Jeremy, he who rocks the Hedgehog look, realized that his chest hair was an integral part of his appeal. Okay, possibly the entirety of his appeal. So he gets it dyed. He did so famously on The Surreal Life. Pubic hair is notoriously difficult to color, but he takes the time and makes the effort.

I get it. That kind of effort might be considered an exercise in vanity. While shaving or waxing or Nairing seems like the path of least resistance, I maintain that it requires even greater effort and maintenance and achieves the same vanity-enhancing goal. Cue Carly Simon.

On the other hand, Patrick "The Artist Formerly Known as Puddy" Warburton just shows off the gray fur at any opportunity. He revels in his physical maturity and Gods love him, sez I.


Now, Carmen Electra has joined with Norelco in promoting the unnecessary deforestation of hairy chests.

This woman must be stopped!