Departing Elysium

It’s all over.

Yesterday, we had the calling hour and then the service, followed by a few brief words at the cemetery. People from work came to calling hours and then left. My friend and former roommate Tim came and stayed for almost the entire hour. My friend Missie came. Both of my Bacchanalia brothers, Rick and Lisandro came. One of my co-workers came and stayed for the service.

My father was in attendance, although he said very little to me. My brother’s ex-wife was there, as sweet and loving as ever (well, to me, anyway.) His current wife, Sheri was also there and everyone got along. I think I even saw Laura hug Sheri, but that might have been a grief-induced hallucination. All three of my nephews were there. My Aunt Betty, who isn’t really my aunt, but I’ve called her that my entire life, also came. Aunt Betty is love personified. It was terrific seeing her again

Flowers seem integral to the funeral experience. The flowers from my company were very, very nice – a faux birdhouse with two little stuffed birds and flowers spilling out of the roof. Tim sent a planter/basket with flowers. The kennel where Jake goes for day care sent a planter. My friend Lisa sent a fantastic bouquet to my home. Today, I got an arrangement made to look like a giant margarita from Lori, Charm and Jennine. And, of course, there were flowers from other people. The flower spray on top of Mom’s white casket was beautiful – it included peach-colored roses at my brother’s request.

The sermon Mike Freeman delivered was short and sympathetic and not too terribly religious. He said a few more words at the cemetery and told me her was available to talk or have coffee if I wanted. Nice guy.

After the cemetery, Tom, Sheri, her parents, the nephews and I ate at the Cathedral Buffet. The Buffet used to below to evangelist Rex Humbard, part of his Cathedral of Tomorrow complex. My grandparents used to take my Mom, Tom and I out to eat there for virtually every holiday. The entire ministry was sold to Ernest Angeley many years ago, but it seemed like a fitting place to remember Mom and Grandma.

After that, we changed clothes, went to my Mom’s apartment and took all her clothes and a few of her belongings to Salvation Army. Tom seemed very insistent that we take care of cleaning out her apartment as soon as possible, despite the fact that we have until the end of the month before utilities are shut off and the rent runs out.

As a result, we were back there again today, moving all her furniture to my oldest nephew’s first apartment or my brother’s house. I took a few mementos, mostly photos or old keepsakes the evoked memories of my grandmother. When I left, the apartment was empty but for a recliner my brother was coming back to get.

And so my mother is in the ground. Except for memories and scraps of paper, her entire existence is all but wiped away. Part of me is too numb to know how to feel about that. And part of my feels guilty. Guilty because a tiny part of me feels relieved. More on that later, after I’ve had some time to process…